I may have already been offered a place in University of Auckland (of course, provided that I can get a scholarship to deal with majority of the funding), but it feels like a nightmare revisited.
The course outline for a Bachelor of Business and Information Management is just like my diploma: http://go.poopler.com/bbim.
Reading the synopsis gives a feeling not unlike landing on a unknown island in the middle of the Pacific.
In about two weeks time, I will be discharged from the Army officially. It feels surreal that I have given two years of my prime to conscription and unbeknownst to many others who do not face military obligation, the sacrifice is immeasurable. In light of the recent deaths of servicemen in camps and during training, I dare to say that in the midst of the peace and stability in our mighty sovereign, servicemen are given less credit for what that is worth.
The smell of death during unrest and war is inevitable, but to give your entire life away during peacetime for a cause not immediately proven is an underestimated tragedy of an exceeding sacrifice.
No amount of answers come close to giving families a closure for a person they so dearly loved, but the healing power by a passage of the time. And that must be reinforced with a reassurance that these fallen soldiers are not forgotten and that no other family–ever again–have to go through the unmistakable pain of loss and hopelessness.
For the fact that I am kept safe today, a privilege that is tragically not enjoyed by some, I must not forget to give thanks for the many people who had directly and indirectly affected my life, however big, however small.
“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.” – Anabella Gurwitch & Jeff Khan
In a book titled, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up, Annabella Gurwitch and Jeff Khan wrote:
“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”
Sometimes we are so lost in the melee of our lives that our heads go blank. I have more than once visited this familiar yet miserable territory, and I realized all we need is equal parts faith and reassurance. We all need to take a leap of faith when someone comes along and give you a push in the right direction.
So after you have loaded five rounds into your pistol and raised it to your head trigger-ready, remember that someone – just someone in your life – is willing to sacrifice a finger between the firing pin and percussion point.
Why so? Because there are people who’ve known you and from whence they believe in you.
Came across this Canadian Paralympic Committee commercial. I’ve got to share.
We all had a gathering in the office earlier today because my Officer Commanding was about to leave and assume a greater appointment.
As I was printing a document afterwards, my OC found time to sit and ask a couple of questions that I haven’t considered. Of course, not before the general ritual of asking WHAT I’M GOING TO DO AFTER BEING DISCHARGED FROM THE ARMY. Everyone asks me that question.
“So, all these work you have been doing, you dont’ like it, do you?” he asked after realizing that asking me to sign-on with the army is like asking a mute to speak.
I was unable to answer that question and it set me in a series of thoughts starting with, well I’m not all that unhappy doing it. But not absolutely joyful in doing these, too. I’m a kid standing in the middle of a quadrangle, winged by two of the best candy shop, unknowingly which to visit first. Yes, the middle. Right there.
I told him I have had plans to embark on a humanitarian project that invovles travelling to developing countries to do some work. (And that is one of the many non critical reasons why I am looking forward to my discharge. Anyway, that’s the only plan I had for myself this year.)
“So, you want to help people? You like helping people?” he asked. I was, again, unable to provide a satisfying answer. But now I do.
To help these people, I wouldn’t dare to say. That is a word to big for me to use upon weighing in world poverty and inequality. I may not be able to help more than just lay a brick of a future school, or teach a few English words to curious natives, but I am here to make a difference I could see and weigh proportionally.
Then it all begin to make sense. My entirely life, all the work I have done, I take pride and absolutely delight in which I could see its result and how much a difference it makes to people around me.
I enjoy designing because I could see my ideas on a screen and watch people marvel and critique. I enjoyed being on the front line of the service industry because I’m here to make a difference with patrons and customers. I enjoy working with people because I could make a direct difference in them.
I want to make a difference directly, and see for what I have done, then weigh and quantify it in proportion to the complexity of this universe. I need to see how my effort it part of a larger picture. Without this picture, I am unable to sail for long.
And that is why, in my currently field, I am working in the namesake of protecting and contributing to the sovereign. I am protecting the national interest. Unfortunately, it has been so linear I’m unable to see I’m making a direct difference that could be quantified.
So, do I like what I do over the last two years? I’m sorry but you get neither a yay or a nay, but I’m greatful for the opportunities I have been given, and all the experiences I have earned.
As I wrote in a letter of application for scholarship, I have a vision for travel. I believe in the power of knowldge, compassion and reaching out to people. That life is all about loving and giving everything you’ve got.
As I say, awards and commendations are milestones.
Am I absolutely deserving, if you must ask. My personal feeling is neither yes nor no and that is because I recognized that there so many individuals out there who are equally deserving, if not more. But if I am given this opportunity, I am honored and I treasure everything.
That to you, is a Commander’s Coin given to 34 individuals throughout the SAF Signal Formation for the outstanding work they have done.
That to me, is a physical testament of a milestone as I complete each phase in my life; through nothing more than who I am and my personal best.
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, “that to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice.”
I am currently reading a book — Eat, Pray and Love — written by Elizabeth Gilbert about how after an ugly divorce upheaval her life, she decided to go on a gap-year travel to eat in Italy, find spiritual divinity in India and romance in Indonesia. She had described Rome is such a way so titillating and mouth-watering that it has now become one of the must-go destination.
Speaking of traveling, it may seem that I am unable to go on a holiday to the Oceania this June with my mother and brother. The younger brother would have to prepare for this O’ Level examination and that leaves him with no time.
In the beginning of the month, I went on a weekend trip with colleagues and a boss from my office to Malaysia. We made a stop at Melaka before, well, spending most of the time eating and gambling in Genting. They! They spend so much time in the Casino and I am all, I HAVE LOST 60 AND I’M NOT GOING TO LOSE ANOTHER MFUCKEN DOLLAR.
And yes, there I am, they found me sitting at Starbucks reading to Elizabeth Gilbert most of the time. I can’t describe how much I love every chill of the weather, every wise word from the book and every beat from my iPod.
Anyway, to think that we would spend first on food and nothing on food in Melaka, it turns out that the first bill that has got to be settled was a 10 RM parking fine. I know right. WHO GIVES A PARKING NOTICE TO US?! US! Come’on man.
The last time I have been to Melaka, I was young and had seen only a puny part of the state. It was therefore, quite an eye-opener when I reached there. We had Peranakan cuisine, over-rated Chicken ‘rice balls’, and standard Asian cuisines the rest of the time. And oh. my. god., Melaka sells the best Chendol on this surface of the planet. We visited Jonker Street and it was buzzing with life and it touches me how people makes simple living.
This world is so huge and there is so much to see.
Moments like this calls for a song We Are Young by Fun. (feat. Janelle Monae).
I had brunch with the family today. it didn’t occur to me how much have changed since I was sensible enough to sit properly on a train and not attempt a somersault.
I could tell you the world have changed drastically since the 90s.
My granny is wheel-chair bound so that means she doesn’t go out and enjoy what most senior citizen does. A few times a month, my aunts would bring her out to have a hearty meal.
They decided against the normal form of transport for an inaccessible old lady, a car. So we decided to take the train. The last time my granny took the train, there were only the Green and Red routes in our transport system. All trains were painted boring white with the classic red bold line across it.
Some newer stations like Changi Airport were not even planned, let alone built. Yea. You are right, she have not taken the train in ages she compared to that of taking an aeroplane.
after we had our tummy filled to the brink of an implosion and the novelty of riding the train wore off, we boarded a taxi cab – for the last mile of the journey home to our big estate.
In the queue for a taxi cab, we had a pair of young parents. The mom had strapped her infant child to her chest and the dad was pushing a pram with a 3-year-old in it.
After their taxi cab arrived, the father shocked my family with his careless and indifferent attitude. He is a motherfucker I would have punched despite the conseqences. Try me in a military court and send me to detention barrack? I would still punch that fucker.
Our jaws dropped when he opened the door of the cab, climbed in first and immerse himself with his phone. His wife and children stranded out on the street.
We waited considerably long before our jaws dropped and realized he was an asshole. He left his wife struggling with two kids and a pram, and expected her to load the pram into the boot of the vehicle all by herself.
Seeing what happemed, I lent a helping hand. I was disgusted by the attitude of the father. I would have done something more but something held me back.
They way I see it, it must have been extremely distressing and awkward for the mother. She have had to endure the humiliation and judgement from cautious eyes around her. How could I make it any worse that that? What good would it do if I screamed at the husband? I’m only sure it would strand their relationship even farther.
My entire day was destroyed by that one scoundrel.
Really? What kind of a man boards the vehicle first, strandingly his wife and two children?
