The course outline for a Bachelor of Business and Information Management is just like my diploma: http://go.poopler.com/bbim.

Reading the synopsis gives a feeling not unlike landing on a unknown island in the middle of the Pacific.

In about two weeks time, I will be discharged from the Army officially. It feels surreal that I have given two years of my prime to conscription and unbeknownst to many others who do not face military obligation, the sacrifice is immeasurable. In light of the recent deaths of servicemen in camps and during training, I dare to say that in the midst of the peace and stability in our mighty sovereign, servicemen are given less credit for what that is worth.

The smell of death during unrest and war is inevitable, but to give your entire life away during peacetime for a cause not immediately proven is an underestimated tragedy of an exceeding sacrifice.

No amount of answers come close to giving families a closure for a person they so dearly loved, but the healing power by a passage of the time. And that must be reinforced with a reassurance that these fallen soldiers are not forgotten and that no other family–ever again–have to go through the unmistakable pain of loss and hopelessness.

For the fact that I am kept safe today, a privilege that is tragically not enjoyed by some,  I must not forget to give thanks for the many people who had directly and indirectly affected my life, however big, however small.

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.” – Anabella Gurwitch & Jeff Khan

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”

Sometimes we are so lost in the melee of our lives that our heads go blank. I have more than once visited this familiar yet miserable territory, and I realized all we need is equal parts faith and reassurance. We all need to take a leap of faith when someone comes along and give you a push in the right direction.

So after you have loaded five rounds into your pistol and raised it to your head trigger-ready, remember that someone – just someone in your life – is willing to sacrifice a finger between the firing pin and percussion point.

Why so? Because there are people who’ve known you and from whence they believe in you.

As I was printing a document afterwards, my OC found time to sit and ask a couple of questions that I haven’t considered. Of course, not before the general ritual of asking WHAT I’M GOING TO DO AFTER BEING DISCHARGED FROM THE ARMY. Everyone asks me that question.

“So, all these work you have been doing, you dont’ like it, do you?” he asked after realizing that asking me to sign-on with the army is like asking a mute to speak.

I was unable to answer that question and it set me in a series of thoughts starting with, well I’m not all that unhappy doing it. But not absolutely joyful in doing these, too. I’m a kid standing in the middle of a quadrangle, winged by two of the best candy shop, unknowingly which to visit first. Yes, the middle. Right there.

I told him I have had plans to embark on a humanitarian project that invovles travelling to developing countries to do some work. (And that is one of the many non critical reasons why I am looking forward to my discharge. Anyway, that’s the only plan I had for myself this year.)

“So, you want to help people? You like helping people?” he asked. I was, again, unable to provide a satisfying answer. But now I do.

To help these people, I wouldn’t dare to say. That is a word to big for me to use upon weighing in world poverty and inequality. I may not be able to help more than just lay a brick of a future school, or teach a few English words to curious natives, but I am here to make a difference I could see and weigh proportionally.

Then it all begin to make sense. My entirely life, all the work I have done, I take pride and absolutely delight in which I could see its result and how much a difference it makes to people around me.

I enjoy designing because I could see my ideas on a screen and watch people marvel and critique. I enjoyed being on the front line of the service industry because I’m here to make a difference with patrons and customers. I enjoy working with people because I could make a direct difference in them.

I want to make a difference directly, and see for what I have done, then weigh and quantify it in proportion to the complexity of this universe. I need to see how my effort it part of a larger picture. Without this picture, I am unable to sail for long.

And that is why, in my currently field, I am working in the namesake of protecting and contributing to the sovereign. I am protecting the national interest. Unfortunately, it has been so linear I’m unable to see I’m making a direct difference that could be quantified.

So, do I like what I do over the last two years? I’m sorry but you get neither a yay or a nay, but I’m greatful for the opportunities I have been given, and all the experiences I have earned.

As I wrote in a letter of application for scholarship, I have a vision for travel. I believe in the power of knowldge, compassion and reaching out to people. That life is all about loving and giving everything you’ve got.

As I say, awards and commendations are milestones.

Am I absolutely deserving, if you must ask. My personal feeling is neither yes nor no and that is because I recognized that there so many individuals out there who are equally deserving, if not more. But if I am given this opportunity, I am honored and I treasure everything.

That to you, is a Commander’s Coin given to 34 individuals throughout the SAF Signal Formation for the outstanding work they have done.

That to me, is a physical testament of a milestone as I complete each phase in my life; through nothing more than who I am and my personal best.

Evonnie shared this with me on Twitter. And of course, I love this quote.

I am currently reading a book — Eat, Pray and Love — written by Elizabeth Gilbert about how after an ugly divorce upheaval her life, she decided to go on a gap-year travel to eat in Italy, find spiritual divinity in India and romance in Indonesia. She had described Rome is such a way so titillating and mouth-watering that it has now become one of the must-go destination.

Speaking of traveling, it may seem that I am unable to go on a holiday to the Oceania this June with my mother and brother. The younger brother would have to prepare for this O’ Level examination and that leaves him with no time.

In the beginning of the month, I went on a weekend trip with colleagues and a boss from my office to Malaysia. We made a stop at Melaka before, well, spending most of the time eating and gambling in Genting. They! They spend so much time in the Casino and I am all, I HAVE LOST 60 AND I’M NOT GOING TO LOSE ANOTHER MFUCKEN DOLLAR.

And yes, there I am, they found me sitting at Starbucks reading to Elizabeth Gilbert most of the time. I can’t describe how much I love every chill of the weather, every wise word from the book and every beat from my iPod.

Anyway, to think that we would spend first on food and nothing on food in Melaka, it turns out that the first bill that has got to be settled was a 10 RM parking fine. I know right. WHO GIVES A PARKING NOTICE TO US?! US! Come’on man.

The last time I have been to Melaka, I was young and had seen only a puny part of the state. It was therefore, quite an eye-opener when I reached there. We had Peranakan cuisine, over-rated Chicken ‘rice balls’, and standard Asian cuisines the rest of the time. And oh. my. god., Melaka sells the best Chendol on this surface of the planet. We visited Jonker Street and it was buzzing with life and it touches me how people makes simple living.

This world is so huge and there is so much to see.

Moments like this calls for a song We Are Young by Fun. (feat. Janelle Monae).

I could tell you the world have changed drastically since the 90s.

My granny is wheel-chair bound so that means she doesn’t go out and enjoy what most senior citizen does. A few times a month, my aunts would bring her out to have a hearty meal.

They decided against the normal form of transport for an inaccessible old lady, a car. So we decided to take the train. The last time my granny took the train, there were only the Green and Red routes in our transport system. All trains were painted boring white with the classic red bold line across it.

Some newer stations like Changi Airport were not even planned, let alone built. Yea. You are right, she have not taken the train in ages she compared to that of taking an aeroplane.

after we had our tummy filled to the brink of an implosion and the novelty of riding the train wore off, we boarded a taxi cab – for the last mile of the journey home to our big estate.

In the queue for a taxi cab, we had a pair of young parents. The mom had strapped her infant child to her chest and the dad was pushing a pram with a 3-year-old in it.

After their taxi cab arrived, the father shocked my family with his careless and indifferent attitude. He is a motherfucker I would have punched despite the conseqences. Try me in a military court and send me to detention barrack? I would still punch that fucker.

Our jaws dropped when he opened the door of the cab, climbed in first and immerse himself with his phone. His wife and children stranded out on the street.

We waited considerably long before our jaws dropped and realized he was an asshole. He left his wife struggling with two kids and a pram, and expected her to load the pram into the boot of the vehicle all by herself.

Seeing what happemed, I lent a helping hand. I was disgusted by the attitude of the father. I would have done something more but something held me back.

They way I see it, it must have been extremely distressing and awkward for the mother. She have had to endure the humiliation and judgement from cautious eyes around her. How could I make it any worse that that? What good would it do if I screamed at the husband? I’m only sure it would strand their relationship even farther.

My entire day was destroyed by that one scoundrel.

Really? What kind of a man boards the vehicle first, strandingly his wife and two children?

The last time I tried to embark on similar plans, it got cancelled. It was the Youth Expedition Project that would be led by my former alma mater to Thailand. We were going to a elementary school to set up a basic computer lab and help them with what not. That has eventually got to be cancelled when the country’s military coup broke and social unrest was at its peak in the capital.

When I am finally discharge from Army this June, I am going to start planning and realizing what I think I should do. It could be a project in Asia, or better yet, to Haiti.

There is many lessons and experiences to learn for a cause.

I am known to my bosses and people as an agreeable person who says okay to all kinds of situations. I appear to have no preference, or for that matter consider my options seriously. I appreciate whatever good that comes to me, and I try to learn and be smarter when something goes wrong.

It sounds corny, yes. It sounds like I am giving textbook answers, yes.

However the options I have been given, I have been through; pain and disappointment, laughter and freedom. – realized there is a lesson to be learned and an experience to be earned anyways. So hey, I thought, I could just sail in which the river flows and see where it takes me too. I could hit an unseen cliff and plunge down a deadly waterfall, but am I to decide that and the life-changing consequence of it?

In the heat of our temper and hectic of our schedule, we forget how time devour yet heal our lives. We will not remember exactly what transpired, but we will know exactly how a person have ever made you feel. It could be that one lady who have ever said something special, but made you feel like you are the world to her. It could be that one buddy who have done something, but made you feel like you are the only one whom he can trust. It could be that one friend who had ever planned something, but made you feel like your birthday is bigger than the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.

There isn’t a point to hold a grudge because someday, that would go away. We have too little time to be unhappy over, and a life too short to stay that way.

Not taking people and things for granted is another matter of its own. It is a herculean and an arduous task, and it baffles me from time to time. This week, my mom mumbled about how sometimes she didn’t wake on time to prepare breakfast for me when I head to work at unearthly times. She did so this morning, prepared two eggs and a drink.

Still in the daze of an uncomfortable night, I decided I was running late and I wasn’t consuming breakfast because I have entirely no appetite. She said it was fine, but it hit me that it wasn’t.

I thought how many times can I say no, before it is too late. Unable to look what that is in the future, it could well be the last time I say, no. How would I look back years down the road, top pen a regretful list of what I’d chosen to miss, what I’d chosen to say, no.

What an audacity of my schedule, blinding me from the goold ‘ol things going on around me!

Just before I left, I consumed the breakfast. I only hope I could remember how I feel when it is my turn to be a parent and nostalgia come knocking at my door.

In a YouTube video of his work he had published on March 2, it has garnered over 375,000 views within a week and was featured in many online publications. In a blog post, Oaida wrote that in November 2011, he decided to embark on a small rocketry project that involves sending a Lego space shuttle model up into space. His small little project inspired Steve Sammartino who funded and helped him. Together, they worked and produced an amazing and incredible footage.

In my opinion, this is not just another funny rocketry project that people do during their free time. It inspires me and it shows the world how people go about realizing a small dream, using nothing but burning passion within them, to produce and create an enormous and incredible result.

Read more at Micro Blade Jets, 2011: A Brick Odyssey.

I visited my alma mater again, and this time I was there to have Student Affairs Office certify true copies of my academic transcripts. Later in the day, I headed to the High Commission of New Zealand in Singapore to have my identity document certified true copy. All these effort because I am trying to apply into the University of Auckland.

Whether or not the University accepts me is a matter different from my decision to study there. While I am undecided and of course, many factors such as funding and time to consider, I am trying. I am trying because when in the future, I do not want to look back and question myself with What-Ifs.

“What if I had tried to apply?”

Because I know years from now, I have tried and I have done what I have got to do.

It is about taking a leap of faith, and I have nothing to lose for trying out my dreams.

Things have happened over the last few months but mostly those from the Army. my Operationally Ready Date is less than 100 days away, and it is almost as if in the cold dark tunnel, I could finally see the light at the other end of the tunnel. In fact, I am already feeling the warmth of the light.

Last year, my Commanding Officer evaluated me during a lesson I have conducted as an instructor. During my unit’s family day in the zoo just a week ago, they announced it to the whole planet that I am one of the five awarded. I’ve already known the clockwork and under reasons of a corporate award. I consider that as a milestone in my service to the nation, nothing much.

For I know there are fellow colleagues who have put in equal, if not more, heart and soul into their work. They deserve the award as much, if not more, than I do.

Last week, my Officer Commanding put me up for yet another nomination. Soldier of the Month for January 2012. Apparently, I am awarded once again. Just like the earlier, it is another milestone in service. It feels awkward and uncanny that I may have actually achieved all awards that are available to an NSF in my unit.

It is inevitable that judgement may be made by other people, but I have learned to believe in myself. I understand such nature in people from all the worl experiences before Army.

–

One too many person have asked for my plan when I am finally discharge from service this June. I am often lost for words because I can’t see what is coming, and I do not have a concrete workplan for myself.

My backpacking trip to New Zealand last November have made all the difference to how I think and approach my future. I have, suddenly, found a frustration in how majority of us follow the footpath that the government had laid for us.

Preschool. Primary school. Secondary school. Tertiary education. University education. Join the working class.

So much that you do not have to ask what most people plans were because it is so definitive and finite. I feel myself move away towards much liberal options. it may sound big and extravagant, but I would like to see the world and know people of other places and culture.

Many people might not understand, or give a second thought to my idea. The reason may be because we are raised in such materialistic society. We have had to fight so hard with each other through examinations and employee rankings to secure prestige, power and money.

We might have mistaken contentment and the need for more.

Our dreams as a child might have taken a back seat amidst the competition for good preschool, university offer and a job that pays.

I want to look beyond the hectic of our city and be contented with my progress. The greatest pleasure in life are often small and free.

He started off with a holiday greeting before continuing, “last night, more than a billion people gathered in the Chinese Times Square watching Chinese Ryan Seacrest banter awkwardly with Chinese will.i.am.” With a footage of the Chinese President, the close caption and Chinese-accented narration of the video said the Chinese resolution is to “get organized” and “play the harmonica.”

I love this guy.

As I rummage through my stuffs, I realized I have come so far today.

Amongst a mass of picture and photographs which I do not have a decent album to store, I came across this from some 14 – 15 years ago. This was a picture taken during a National Education Trip when I was in Primary 4. I vividly recall this place in Jalan Sultan where my friends and I had a rest and lunch. Although they were my closer friends in primary school, I couldn’t really recall their names.

I probably will try to locate them on Facebook, if at all possible because I don’t remember their names.

Why The Face was the all-time favorite one-liner for Modern Family fans like me but I always thought it sounded awkward. I mean, how do you use Why The Face in normal conversation to exclaim your rogue surprise yet being satirical?

I think I know today.

I conducted lessons for the Specialist Cadets this morning and because there is less work to do today, I decided to do my routine of walking around and trying to get to know them better. I went ahead to confirm if they were mostly diploma holders.

“So, you guys are from poly right?”

“Yes, sergeant.” A couple of them responded and one added on, “So, sergeant, you are from poly too?”

“Yes. I am from NYP.”

“So you studied business…” He carried on quizzing me.

“Yes. Business Informatics. Wait. How do you know?” I am puzzled, wondering if he is another course mate whom I don’t recall.

“Oh. You have the business face.”

There was a moment of silence before I blurted, “I have what the… face?”

The entire table laughed but I just kept quiet because that was suppose to come out “WHAT THE FUCK?” I realized at the eleventh hour that it may sound too rude for such a general observation about me. More over, I thought it is too rogue for a guy with a ‘business face’. I made it in time to say the word ‘Face’ and thank God it kind of suited the entire conversation, anyway.

The Mayans thinks it may be apocalyptic, but I have learned not to worry about everything under the sun. It is a waste of time worrying unless there is an imminent danger or when I finally reached a crossroad where I have to make a decision. When you have reached your the life of yours, no amount of worries and prayers can save you of death from the simplest way. If you are meant to live, you will survive the greatest tragedy in history.

For the entire year, my tagline for this blog was, “Trading memories I held, for stories yet untold.” My backpacking trip to New Zealand made a huge difference in me. I spent a great amount of time thinking about the people around me, who I have become today, and who I will be tomorrow. The world is huge out there yet I know there is only one place I can call home, and only one place where my kin and kith, memories and feelings so dearly belongs. I can’t trade those away.

This year forward, I hope with the life of mine that I could be more contented. I want to be contented with what I owned and achieved through my own merit. I want to see greater maturity and a wiser personality in myself. I want to learn to love just about everything and everyone around me. I hope from trust and determination will I take leaps of faith from even greater heights.

“Mai i te aroha, ko te aroha.” is a sentence in Maori language that translates to, “From love, comes love.”